Another Catch-Up Post

 I've been slacking, and not just on posting. 

So today (Saturday,) I got up and went to go bleed to get my six-months-since-the-last-blood-test results. The nice phlebotomist told me that since it was a weekend, I'd probably get my results tomorrow or the next day. So it might be Monday before I get my all-important A1c number. It was 5.6 last time, which is "normal," and if it's lower, I can honestly say that I'm not a diabetic anymore. 

Annie and I are slowly moving towards a more plant-based diet. Last weekend we watched a Netflix documentary miniseries, You Are What You Eat. Folks, that show has put us off factory-farmed meat and fish. Forever. I mean, we've been eating a lot less red meat for years, but we were still having chicken and fish several times a week. Salmon is nominally very good for me, with those lovely Omega-3 fats and so on, but the horror of factory fisheries was brought into focus by that show and it literally makes me want to vomit just thinking about it. 

My last weigh in was last Sunday, and I'm at 302 after creeping up to about 312 over the holidays. I've been struggling with keeping the faith. My job provides us with tons of free snacks and sodas and stuff. My desk is like ten steps from the kitchen, where there is a big bowl of "fun-sized" candy like Snickers, Resee's Peanut Butter cups, peanut M&Ms, chocolate chip cookies, mini cans of Pringles, all kinds of different potato chips and a fridge full of Diet Coke, Dr. Pepper and other sodas. For a long while, almost a year, I resisted temptation. But over the summer and into the early fall I saw my weight loss slow down and then stop. I'm aware of Dieter's Plateaus, but it was still discouraging. Then the nationwide, nay, worldwide shortage of Mounjaro happened. 

My wife's best friend's husband is a quadruple-boarded physician who just got his fourth board in Longevity Medicine and he managed to get his hands on a month's supply of 15mg/.5ml Mounjaro and sent it along to me. I titrated it down to two 7.5mg/.25ml doses so that one-month supply magically became a two-month supply. 

But I still gave in to temptation from time to time. The coffee maker at work is right next to that big 'ol bowl of candy and...well, Snickers and Resee's are kind of my weak spots. I indulged more than a few times but certainly not every morning and the scale started to reflect that. I also slacked on my morning workouts more times than I'm comfortable admitting. 

I also hid all this from my wife. Or, at least I thought I did. My wife is no idiot and she gets to see me naked, (lucky girl) and she noticed I was thickening a little. My shame issues about food and my abuse of it is still something I struggle with. Once I started this journey and had such amazing success in those early months I loved sharing my story and my journey with people. It gave my ego a huge boost to hear all those compliments and encouragement from friends, family and even strangers. I didn't want to admit to myself or others that I was...failing. 

I didn't fall completely from grace, thank God. No fast food, no soda. Just three or four fun-sized Snickers a few days a week, but it was enough. Annie and I had a serious talk about it earlier this week and I'm re-dedicated to losing the next 50lbs. Part of this new process is being honest with her when I slip. I'm terrified of admitting to her if...when it happens again. The food-shame thing goes back to my earliest childhood memories and it's damn hard to shake. I'm almost 60, so I need to stop blaming my parents and take responsibility for my choices in a way that's not "this is how I was programmed."

After we watched that miniseries, Annie and I went shopping and made some really bad vegan choices. Yes, it's possible, LOL. We got some Beyond Burgers, some vegan "cheese" and some "spring rolls." Notice the quote marks. Only later, after we ate that food (to our detriment,) did we slap our foreheads and realize how heavily processed they are. Last night, for contrast, we had a homemade vegan dish of a soup made from chickpeas, carrots, tahini, spinach, etc. It was amazing. The Beyond Burgers were, frankly, disgusting. The vegan "cheese," when melted, took on the properties of what I'd imagine petroleum-based food would. 

I'll post again when I get my blood tests results. Fingers crossed!